|
|
Director: Ace Hannah
Writer: Ace Hannah
Starring: Deborah Gibson, Lornzo Lamas
Distributor: The Asylum
|
|
|
It’s going to be a great year for inappropriately sized
killer animal movies. In particular inappropriately sized
animals that like to fight each other to the death. Not
since
Alien Verse Hunter (2007)
has two magnificent titans clashed in an orgy of B movie
goodness. This review is going to be a long one Kiddies, so
get comfortable. I noticed at this film has gotten a lot of
media attention. I’m going to assume there is going to be a
lot of first time readers, so my apologies to the regular
readers if I have to spell out things you painfully familiar
with. Enjoy
Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009) was produced by the
perverted purveyors of pr known as The Asylum. Over the past
few years they have received a lot of heat as they delved into
genre known as the Mockbuster. A Mockbuster is Blockbuster but
on a fraction (and I mean fraction) of the price. My personal
favorites are
Transmorphers
(2007),
Death Racers
(2008),,
Journey to the
Centre of the Earth
(2008)
and
The Terminators
(2009).
In addition to Mockbusters they make Faith Films e.g.
Sunday School
Musical,(2008),
Countdown:
Jerusalem
(2009).
They have gone back to making (for lack of better words)
standard genre movies but clearly they’re not afraid of jumping
on topical band wagons. On that point WHERE
IS MY 3D! The Asylum promised us both
Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus (2009)
and
Transmorphers: The Fall of Man (2009)
will be in 3d, but this film plays as 2d as the plot itself :p
It could have easily taken the prodigious “Greatest 3D Shark for
all time” title from
Jaw 3-D (1983)
which has been holding on it for far too long.
The movie starts off with solider named ‘Speed Bird’ flying
high above the Chukchi Sea. He is on a highly classified
(aka illegal) mission involving the testing a Low Frequency
Active Sonar. All of this comprised of Speed Bird using
nonsensical military language to off screen character.
‘Speed Bird’ is from the Aviation and Missile Command. I
know this as a title card tells me. In fact this movie
features an absurd amount of title cards and several
establishing shots. But I’ll go into more detail about that
later.
Before Speed Bird can get to the drop point he notices a
large shard ice break off a glacier. Global Warning must we
worst than we thought it made the glacier look like bad cgi
(maybe this is totally unrelated to Global Warning, I’m not
sure). Beneath the sea is a mini-sub named Dorian. It’s
captained by Emma MacNeil (aka Deborah Gibson who is star of
the film if you don’t include the Mega Shark or the Giant
Octopus) she is enjoying watching stock footage of whales
from her the mini-sub.
The super cute Deborah Gibson as Emma MacNeil
The Mini-Sub’s looks like it was built from left over
Transmorphers
parts, but I’ll talk more about that later. Speed Bird
doesn’t have it much better. His helicopter switches between
a real and cgi one. Speed Bird gets into position and drops
his Low Frequency Active Sonar. What’s a Low Frequency
Active Sonar? Well I’m glad you asked, according to my
friend Google it’s an extremely loud, low frequency sound to
detect submarines at great distances. It also sends Whales,
bat-shit crazy. Below the water the whales start bashing
there heads against that glacier (you know the one which was
a little dodge to begin with) and it starts falling apart.
Sadly Speed Bird gets taken out by a fallen piece of ice.
His last words were “Holy Crap”.
RIP SPEED BIRD
00:02:25 – 00:07:41
Died in service! A True American Hero!
MEGA SHARK 0 – GIANT OCTOPUS 0 – MOTHER NATURE 1
Unfortunately for the characters in the movies (but
fortunately for us) there is a Giant Octopus and a Mega
Shark frozen within the glacier. They break loose and are
going to cause trouble for the next hour or so.
Ok kiddies. It’s time to get side tracked and talk about
other B Shark movies. Mega Shark is short from Megaldon,
which is a 60 foot long prehistoric shark. I’m guessing they
didn’t want to use to title has it been used in several
other recent Shark movies such as
Megalodon (2002)
and
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002).
The latter was produced by Nu Image who are the master of
the “shack attack” genre. They have an impressive seven
shark movies on there resume.
Shark Attack (1999), Shark Attack (1999), Shark Attack 2
(2001), Shark Attack 3: Megaldon (2002), Shark Zone (2003),
Raging Sharks (2005),
and
Sharks in Venice (2008). Shark Attack 3: Megaldon (2002)
features one of the greatest lines in cinema history. Here
is this scene, I wonder if you can spot it.
You might not have picked up Ben Carpenter (aka The
Pussyeater) is none other than John Barrowman aka Captain
Jack from Dr Who/Torchwood. He adlibbed the line to make his
co-star Jenny McShane laugh. It was so funny it was left in
made it to the final cut. But I have no doubt that Ben
Carpenter, John Barrowman and Captain Jack all masterful
cunnalinguists! Oddly enough Jenny McShane featured in the
original Shark Attack (1999) movie but as a different
character.
Now for all of your newbies, these types of films go by the
blanket term of “Sci-Fi Originals”. This is due to the fact
they will end up getting play over and over on the Sci-Fi
Channel. These films have a pretty strict structure.
Instead of having a tradition three act structure they have
seven acts. They start off with a 2 minute teaser in which
you see the monster and get a taste of what the film is
going to be like, then it goes into the opening credits. The
hero will then meet a geeza character who will set up the
film. This is all apart of a 17 minute opening act. Then
it’s another six, seven minute acts. Each act ends on a
cliffhanger so people will return after the commercial
break. On top of that there needs to be a set piece ever
6-7mintues. They tend to end with a short epilogue. Also the
titles need to be so obvious to the point of no confusion.
e,g.
Cyclops
(2009),
Mansquito (2005).
I’ve heard that they Sci-Fi channel have strange rules such
as you cant have scene involving people walking down
hallways, they don’t like dogs, or films that are all set at
night. They use the film
Dog Soldiers (2002)
as an example of the type offilms they want to make. I
mention this because
Dog Soldiers
features a scene of a dog walking down hallway at night. Ok,
it’s was a werewolf but that’s close enough in my books. Mega
Shark vs. Giant Octopus
doesn’t follow this formula to the t, but it’s pretty much
the structure. The long and short of it, is you need to see
the monster early then often!
From there we are transported to the Kobayshi Subsea
Drilling Platform. Inside we enter into a conversation
between and Australian and two Americans (the most logical
of nationality to be found in a drilling platform located on
the Japanese coast). The characters have an allusive
conversation in which they discreetly drop in the word
“bigger” as many times as they can. From the murky deep come
several tentacles that start hugging the platform. We all
know that Drilling Platforms are the natural enemy of the
Giant Octopus. The Giant Octopus’s attack involves a bunch
of shacking camera work and very little destruction. Instead
of this scene ending with a massive exposition we get a
close up of the octopus’s eye. I give this sequence an EPIC
FAIL! I didn’t rent this scene NOT to see a Giant Octopus
destroy stuff. In fact I could rent almost any movie NOT to
see that. The Monster will only get points of on screen
kills.
MEGA SHARK 0 – GIANT OCTOPUS
0
This
all seems strangely familiar. Tentacles? Japan? Oh no I’m
getting flash back to
Monster
which was The Asylum’s Cloverfield (2008) Mockbuster. It was
a thankless venture. It was about two American girls in
Japan. They spend the entire film yelling out “but we’re
Americans” and running away form an off screen tactical
monster. Like like the destruction of the Platform we never
really get to see the monster.
Cut to Point Dume, California Emma and her copilot Vince
(Jonathan Nation) are talking about the events of the day.
It turns out that Emma has a day (or is that dry) job as
some kind of aquatic police scene investigator (ok maybe
she's work as an oceanographer for the NorCal Oceanographic
Institute but an aquatic police scene investigator sound
cooler.) She meets with Dick Ritchie (aka Asylum regular
Mark Hengst) and they investigating the body of a beached
whale. (I’m no expert but I don’t think its suicide!) Anyway
Dick set up the fact that Emma stole the min-sub and she is
going to be fired in the morning. Emma uses his opportunity
to use the word “big” some more. If you look in the
background you will see three fidgety extras that will
pretty much turn up in every scene to come.
Emma and Vince head off. Emma establishes that she is
morally better than the Dick and the board members. They
only care about money and they fail to see the big picture.
It’s convent that she doesn’t care about money that way she
won’t feel bad about stealing and causing half a million
dollars worth of damages to the mini sub. He also doesn’t
care about the law as says this while illegally drinking
alcohol on the beach. ‘Liquored’ up Emma decides to go back
to the see the whale. Talking her way past the security she
steals a tooth (but we don’t know it’s a tooth at this
stage, so act all surprise when we find out in a few scenes
time).
We cut next to some familiar Asylum stock footage of a
futuristic building. In this film it’s a Tokyo Federal
Detention center. Inside its way less futuristic, In fact
it’s a boring office set. We find our Aussie Pal. I’m not
sure what his name is so I’m going to call him Steve Hogan.
Steve meets with Dr. Seiji Shimada (Vic Chao) they talking
about the destruction of the platform.
Vic Chao as Dr. Seiji Shimada
As being a Japanese scientist Seiji is the only one
qualified to believe that there could be giant animals
roaming the earth. We find out that Steve Hogan looked the
Giant Octopus in the eye. This explains why that scene ended
like it did. The camera was so shaky I’m surprised he saw
anything at all.
The next scene in my personal favorite, and no doubt the
reason this film will be remembered. We cut to a Boeing 757
flying majestically in the air. Boy, I really hope nothing
bad happens to it as we all know that 757’s are the natural
enemy of the Mega Sharks. In 2006 there was a reported case
of
Snakes on a Plane.
Since then airlines are really tighten up security and they
now double check for killer animals before talking off. But
even with these increase safety procedures nothing could
prepare them for this! Inside the plane we are introduced to
a character I’m going to call Glorified Extra. Glorified
Extra just a typical guy, he’s a proud beard owner, a
nervous flyer and is getting married in two day. He randomly
looks out the window to see the Mega Shark hurtling towards
him. Glorified Extra has only got time to let out a “Holy
Shit” before Mega Shark takes the plane down into the murky
depths. I have no real proof but I think Glorified Extra was
related to Speed Bird.
RIP GLORIFIED EXTRA
00:17:33 – 00:18:23
Loving fiancé and nervous flyer!
Ok let’s do the math’s on this one. I’m not a Boeing 757
expert so I will have to guestermate a few figures. For
argument sakes lets say it’s at a cruising speed of 851 km/h
at a high of 35,000 feet. It would be roughly 50 meters
long, and have a wingspan of an addition 50 meters. It
weight about 90,000kg. As previously mention the Megaldon,
is about 60foot long and would weight around 70 metric tons
and can swim as fast as 500 knots. Before I can work out how
stuff like the mega shark impact velocity, the speed it
would have to be at to propelled itself out of the water and
how many units of pressure needed to rip down the plane, I
have a bigger mystery to solve. I have to work out how the
Mega Shark was able to jump out of the ocean without
breaking the waters surface.
 
Look at that no ripples, what so ever. There is only one
conclusion, its must be a Mega Ninja Shark. Anyway this
scene is great and is the reason this movie is worth
renting. The sequence is indicative of the humor of the
film. Clearly the filmmakers are reveling in just how silly
there subject matter is. They love it. What I like most is
that fact they’re not winking at the camera every two second
so every last Moron can understand it’s not meant to be
taken all that seriously.
The plane looks pretty full, while be don’t see individual
death we can assume a lot of people die. Mega Shark is going
to rack up big for this.
MEGA SHARK 300 – GIANT OCTOPUS 0
The next day Emma gets fired and Dick gives her some creepy
advice. He tells her not to love the ocean too much as it
doesn’t love her back. From there she goes to see an ex-navy
paleontologist guru and university Professor: Lamar Sanders
(Sean Lawlor).
Sean Lawlor as Professor Lamar Sanders
After a “montage researching sequences” the camera wildly
pans in and it’s revealed that the tooth is really a
fragment from a massive tooth. Lamar becomes a gezza and he
explains it from a Megaldon. Don’t worry he’s on the level,
his information corresponds to that on the Megaldon
Wikipedia page. I think we can trust him.
It turns out Lamar is friendly with Dr. Seiji Shimada and he
has came to American in the search for some answer. They
meet him and the San Francisco International airport Emma
and Seiji make goofy eye at each other, I think they’re in
love.
After some discussion Lamar and Seiji realize they’re not
looking for the same giant monster. Vince manages to get the
footage from the mini-sub and drops it around. The look at
the footage the tension build then Emma lets out “What a
giant squid” and with perfect comical timing Lamar and Seiji
turn there head and says in unity “Octopus.” I found this
quite funny. This joke is later reused with Lorenzo Lamas.
Ok time to get side tracked again. Monster movies or any
budget then to have two major problems. You have to wait too
long to see the monster. I don’t understand why filmmakers
make people wait up to 45 minutes before showing the
monster. I’m looking at you
Snakes on a Plane (2006),
and
Hulk (2003).
I guess the main argument for it, is that it builds tension.
In my personal option I think in tension build through
action rather than horror/suspect.
The Host (2006)
was a great example of this. I think one of the reasons
people like it because you saw the monster up front (it
might have something to do with it being an amazing film on
all level… but I think my point is still valid). Thankfully
there isn't too many 'talking head' scenes. In this film
you’re never too far away from a monster attack.
The second problem these films have; is that the characters
often take too long to realize what the monster is. How many
scene have you watch that play out like this e.g.
STUPID TEEN: What’s out there?
STUPID TEEN2: I don’t know, whatever it killed Johnny!
All of this is boring as well know what the monster is.
Thankfully this film doesn’t spend too long laboring this
plot point.
Cut to the next scene. We’re on board an US Lead Destroyer
in the Pacific Ocean. Just like the Tokyo Federal Detention
center is looks way less impressive on inside. We find
Unnamed US Destroyer Captain (Matt Lagan) commanding at the
deck, which kind just looks like a hallway.
As we’re hitting the 30mintue I think it’s time for a set
piece. Mega Shark makes his approach on the Destroyer. This
scene is actually pretty good. It has snappy editing, tense
music, Matt Lagan gives a good performance. The cherry on
top is the bad cgi. Mega Shark manages to alludes there
radar. If only they had a Low Frequency Active Sonar they
could detect the Mega Shark. It’s just a shame they’re
restricted to certain military training areas of the Pacific
Ocean. (I’m I seeing sly political themes here). Anyway the
scene fads to black before we can see the Mega Shark rip the
destroyer a new arse! EPIC FAIL Come on Mega Shark I would
expect this kind of behavior from Giant Octopus but not you.
As it’s all off scene, no kill points will be awarded.
MEGA SHARK 300 – GIANT OCTOPUS 0
Ok next scene! The naval bust into Lamar house and taken
them back to Treasure Island, which is a US Naval Air
Command Station. It also looks like the location they use
for the Kobayshi Subsea Drilling Platform but just filmed
from the other side. Note the tower on the right. And the
same extras :p
 
Kobayshi Subsea Drilling
Platform Treasure Island
US Naval Air Command Station
This is neither a good or bad thing. The only reason I
mention it, is because this is obnoxiously long review in
which I note down everything to painful degree. I rather
like the location. Once again we cut to an interior that
isn’t nearly as cool as the exterior. Our heroes are placed
in a tiny conference room. I think it’s a good time for the
second star of the film to make an appearance. Ladies and
Gentlemen, could you please put your hands together for
Lorenzo “Snake Eater” Lamas. He’s the action star you call
when you don’t have money for Steven Seagal.
Coming Soon: Mega Lamas Vs. Giant Seagal
Ok kiddies lets get really sidetracked for a moment. As I
said before the Asylum are best known for making
Mockbusters. Lorenzo Lamas has appeared in two mockbusters.
He made
30,000 Leagues Under the Sea (2007)
for The Asylum. (This movie also stars Sean Lawlor aka
Lamar. He played Captain Nemo.) The second was
Alien 3000 (2004)
he made not of The Asylum but David S. Sterling. The
cover for
Alien 3000
is fascinating. Firstly they adverting the fact it's
presented in Full Screen. That isn't a good thing. If
anything they should be hiding that fact. On top of that I’m
not sure what movie they are trying to mock on to? It is
Alien or Predator? I'm giving it Alien Mockbuster a point
for the blainted use to the word Alien in the title.
ALIEN MOCKBUSTER 1 – PREDATOR MOCKBUSTER 0
Predator Mockbuster gets a point due to the tagline “A NEW
KIND OF PREDATOR”
ALIEN MOCKBUSTER 1 – PREDATOR MOCKBUSTER 1
The picture on the front cover is that of monster that looks
like both an Alien and a Predator. So I guess just like
Aliens Vs. Predator
it’s a tie.
ALIEN MOCKBUSTER 2 – PREDATOR MOCKBUSTER 2
To get a little bit more sidetracked I need to point out
that Alien/Predator monster on the cover doesn’t feature in
the movie at all. It’s taken directly from
Breeders (1997)
which itself “borrow” from
Alien.
 
As I’ve mentioned
Aliens Vs Predator (2004)
I should point out there has been a handful of Alien Vs
Predator Mockbusters, The Asylums
Alien Vs Hunter (2007),
Mark Polonias
Preylien: Alien Predators (2004)
and Sub Rosas
Alien Vs Redneck (2007).
  
Let’s get back to the movie. Enter: Lorenzo Lamas aka Allan
Baxter. Turns out everyone else in the world haven’t
considered that giant prehistorically animals were causing
all this trouble (I bet the entire scientist community of
earth as feel pretty silly right now) and our heroes are
ahead of the game. Lorenzo Lamas needs to them to capture
the monster. They we do it under the condition they wont be
harmed. There plan is to lure Giant Octopus into Tokyo Bay
and Mega Shark into San Francisco Bay. This is all pretty
clear? The last thing we need is a little card and an
external establishing shot of the facility to reaffirm where
we are? Of course not, but for some reason we get one! The
character are changed rooms not locations.
Anyway
the establishing shot is pretty much the same angle as the
last one.
Cut to another “montage science scene”. The lab consists of
one microscope some machines they done use, and a bunch of
beakers filled with colored water. They’re working around
the clock and still nothing. Just in case the montage didn’t
give away the fact that time has passed they have an
establishing to really drive this fact home.
Back in the lab, and still nothing. Emma and Seiji have a
scene in which they reveal there back stories. Seiji tells
her that he had dedicated his life to the preservation of
animals due to seeing a dolphin trapped as a kid. All this
dolphin talk must get her turned on and she goes in for a
kiss. Emma then asks him if he would like to eat her pussy.
Not really, she says she is going to a “walk” and has to
hint to her loveable geek that “walk” means sex in a closet.
I really like this subplot. Really, whens the last time
you’ve seen an Asian scientist being the love interest in an
American monster movie? NEVER! I think Emma was in for a
pleasant surprise. I went to Vic Choa’s personal website...
and he's one buff oceanographer!
 
After the deed Seiji decided to rational what happen by
bring it back to science. This is a bit out of character for
him as for the reminder he will pretty much talk in verse
and quote Shakespeare. They soon work out that they can draw
the monster into the bays by using pheromones. Cut to
another “montage science scene”. We known they’ve found the
answer at the colour in the beaker is neon green.
I’m confused as to my location? It’s a good think that yet
another establishing shot has orientated me again.
Back inside they have to explain all this again to Lorenzo
Lamas (and any stupid viewers). On that note cut to yet
another establishing shot.
The title card reads TREASURE ISLAND US NAVAL AIR COMMAND
STATION. Yet they cut right back into the Laboratories. I’m
confused. Was the pervious title card a mistake? Oh that's
right, “No one cares Lez, move on”. Back in the Laboratories
they’re pretty much just go over plot again. Cut to the
beach (no title card) and our heroes see our hulk Seiji back
off to Japan.
Ok we’ve had way too much talking. It’s killing time. Now in
a subplot I don’t quit understand (if only the scene had
more title cards) the Giant Octopus swats a fighter jet out
of the sky.
MEGA SHARK 300 – GIANT OCTOPUS 1
I’m pretty sure the fighter is dropping the pheromones in
the bay. I’m not sure? In fact I’m not to sure what’s going
on in the next scene. All I know is, that they need to do
something and they have to steal the Mini-Sub to do it. How
lax is the security at the NorCal Oceanographic Institute.
Maybe Vince still works there and he got them in. But before
they can do that Lamar and Emma needs a scene in which he
firmly establishes that he is her father/mentor character
and that he believes in her.
Cut back to San Francisco Bay (establishing shot and title
card provided). We see a Destroying and the mini-sub
underneath it. The mini-sub is using a mechanical arm to
drop something, but the Mega Shark (or Shark-zilla as
Lorenzo Lamas call him) is closing in. Cut to the hallway…
umm.. I mean deck of Admiral Scotts (Russ Kingston)
Destroyer. And yes it looks identical to the deck of the
Unnamed US Destroyer Captain’s.
 
Which Destroyer belongs to which Captain? The first person
to
email
me with the correct answer will win a dvd I no longer want.
The similarities don’t stop there. The two captains look the
same, act the same and both fall for the Mega Shark's
disappearing trick. For some unknown reason my computer
stopped capturing stuff in colour. So these next lot of
pictures are going to be in black and white.
 
If Speed Bird and Gloried Extra aren't related these guys
are!
Why one character got a name and the other didn’t, I’ll
never know. If only the Destroyer was armed with a Low
Frequency Active Sonar they could detect the Mega Shark! How
many lives need to be lost before those fat cats in
parliament will understand that the Navy should be free to
use the Low Frequency Active Sonar at there discretion!
Better that a few unemployed dead beat whale hugger should
die, then brave enlisted military!
Half was through the attack Lorenzo Lamas shows his true
colours and tells Admiral Scotts to bomb the shit out of
anything that moves. Mega Shark comes up out of the water
and takes a bite out of the destroyer. Let assume the
Destroyer was fully crewed up. That brings the Mega Shark up
to and impressive.
MEGA SHARK 576 – GIANT OCTOPUS 1
Still hungry he takes a bite out of the the golden gate
bridge. Thankfully for the citizens of San Francisco, Mega
Shark manages to bite into a clear section of bridge and
only a few people die. Two cars get taken out. Let assume
the citizen of San Fan and eco friendly and were car
pooling.
MEGA SHARK 582 – GIANT OCTOPUS 1
Mega Shark is by far the favorite the win the end battle.
The camera pans down onto the Tokyo Federal Detention Centre
(no title card). It turns out that the Seiji has had no luck
either. He tells us all about the off screen destruction we
didn’t get to see. I guess that raises the question. What is
Seiji doing in the Tokyo Federal Detention Centre? Why do
the Tokyo Federal Detention Centre need an oceanographer?
Anyway we have bigger things to worry about. Lorenzo Lamas
wants to nuke the hell out of everything, while our heroes
(aka the bleeding heart, whale hugging, pinko’s) are against
it. Granted the nuclear bomb might make the monsters
stronger and bigger.
In order to chew up some screen time Emma has some
flashbacks. She searched deep within her subconscious and
comes to the conclusion that they need to get the Mega Shark
to Verse the Giant Octopus in a death match of sorts. Sounds
great to me! The long and short of it is, they are going to
draw them out to the deep sea, cover the monsters in each
other pheromones, sit back and enjoy.
Seiji gets aboard an Japanese submarine. Here is a fun fact,
an Japanese submarine looks just like the deck of an
American destroyer.
And an American submarine looks like a spaceship.
For the American Sub they shoot on my favorite set in the
whole wide world. It’s the one and only space ship set aptly
located on stage B at the
Laurel
Canyon Stages. Most low budget sci-fi movies film
on this set. Over the past few years you may have seen them
in the following movies.
 
Super Ninja Dolls (2008) Gingerdead
Man 2: Passion of the Crust
 
Transmorphers (2007)
The Terminators (2009)
As I can use see some props they reused from the mini-sub
set I think it safe it say it doubles for both. On the sub
we run into some Asylum regulars such as
 
Dean Kreyling as the Sub Captain and Stephen Blackheart and
the Sub Sonar.
Emma and Seiji get a quite moment via the internet phone.
Seiji tells her that he has been thinking a lot about that
night, Emma replies that she has as well, when clearly she
has hasn’t. She has been too busy having surreal flash
backs. Anyway Mega Shark starts chasing the sub. As I said
before the cgi has greatly improves at this point. The cgi
isn’t breathtaking as much as passable. Both the monsters
looks a tad fake, but as my good friend Clarie point out to
me; all reptiles look fake when you seen them in real life.
Anyway Mega Shark is about to destroy the sub but they are
saved by a US Naval Fleet (thank you title card). Giant
Octopus decides to join the party and takes out 5
submarines. It’s lucky for him he does it on screen. I’m
not military expert. I’m assuming they Los Angeles class
submarines so his kill point race up to
MEGA SHARK 582 – GIANT OCTOPUS 636
Up next is a pretty good chase scene between the Giant
Octopus and the sub. To elude the monster they have to
navigate through small ice caverns. It’s a little too
intense for the Navigator he pulls out a gun and aims it at
the captain. Now, with guns out and no one driving the ship,
Emma decides to sock the Navigator in the chin and Lamar
gets the wheel (well it more like a joystick). On that point
the navigational console comprises of a joystick, no screen,
nothing? All the characters keep looking at the vague
direction of the sonar console. Oh well I’m no
oceanographer.
I have no idea how these things work. Our heroes get into
the mini-sub while the Unnamed Submarine Captain fires
everything he has at the Mega Shark. Mega Shark snaps the
sub clean with one bite.
RIP UNNAMED US SUB CAPTAIN
01:02:55 – 01:19:03
"if
only we had a Low Frequency Active Sonar?!!"
MEGA SHARK 706 – GIANT OCTOPUS 636
They don’t have time to relax as Mega Shark is still on
there tail. Mega shark is about to close in, but Giant
Octopus grabs him and they start wrestling to the death.
Giant Octopus get the upper hand then “boom
goes the dynamite” Mega Shark bites him tactical
off. Meanwhile Japanese Lead Sub: Typhoon (thank you title
card) we find out Seiji and his gang are getting closer. Our
heroes soon get to the waters from the start of the film.
Giant Octopus is about to get the mini-sub when Seiji and
his peep gives Giant Octopus a taste of the mystic orient.
Giant Octopus retorts by killing them all.
MEGA SHARK 706 – GIANT OCTOPUS 763
Emma goes into save him. Lorenzo Lamas asks her what she is
doing. She says she going in to save her friend… her friend.
She clearly lied to Seiji about how much she has been
thinking about him. Then she refers to him as her friend.
I’m sorry Seiji I don’t think she that into you bro. Clearly
the ocean is her only love (if only it would love her back).
While this is happening Mega Shark and Giant Octopus fight
it out for supremacy. If you want to know who wins that
fight I just you need to rent the damn movie!
Well maybe I was wrong about Emma not being into Seiji. And
wrong about him dying as they ending up conoodling on the
beach in the last scene. Lamar comes in and sets up the
sequel. He tells them about an unspecified ancient creature
that’s just been found. Without committing to any monster in
particular they go off to there next adventure. I for one
think it should have ended with Neptune rising out of the
ocean and start messing up there shit … but meh you can have
everything.
All in all, this movie is pretty fun! I loved every second
of it. The movie was playful without being too serious but
it never turns into a comedy. It had just the right balance
of both. It's drags in places but it's nothing that you
can't forgive. What it lacked in budget it made up for in
moxie.
The appeal of these kinds of films is to see strange and
unusual concept being fleshed out. Fans of these films are
willing to over look cheap sets and low budgets as long as
it’s delivering a concept we can’t find else were. Mega
Shark Vs. Giant Octopus is a silly film for a smart people.
It’s the film
Snakes on a Plane
should have been. It’s best not to take yourself or you
cinema too seriously when watching.
Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus
can sit proud next to other classic Shark movies such as
Sharks: Deep Blood (1989)
and
Jaws 5: Cruel Jaws (1995).
Enjoy!
LESLIE MORRIS 18/05/09
WANNA TALK ABOUT THIS SOME MORE
COME BY OUR
MESSAGE BOARD
Got news?
Submit it!
|
